I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
