2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
