i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ketchup is God's man juice
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize