his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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