I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
