The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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