ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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