Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
