Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize