My first STD was from a foam party
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
