just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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