He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize