That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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