Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
