Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize