you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think people are normalizing furries
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
