let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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