To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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