i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
