there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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