so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
