Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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