cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
