I cockslap morals
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
