Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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