hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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