Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
