hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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