I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
