I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
