I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
