Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
