I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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