Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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