They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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