nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize