I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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