my vag is so smooth its legendary
it hurts more in the daytime
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
