ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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