they need to just BURY HIM!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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