god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
