she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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