Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
