I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
