I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize