You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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