don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
