Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
