how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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