i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't turn off my feet"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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