well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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