just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
