why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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