I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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