"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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