your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
