it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
