his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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