you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
