So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
