I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
