Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
