the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
