I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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