you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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