Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she smelled like a LAN party
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
