Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize