i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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