Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
