We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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