I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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